I’m trying my hand at blogging again.
About a year ago I put every project that wasn’t essential on hold when we experienced a scary and very sad event – a ruptured, ectopic pregnancy.
It opened my eyes to how truly fragile life is – and how blessed I am to have the husband, daughter, family, friends and community that I do.
It also closed a chapter in my life’s story. We moved beyond trying to expand our family to embracing parenting our only child, Parker.
Lura “Parker” is 5 and so much fun! Although I have relished every stage of her existence, now that I know I will only experience the parenting journey once, I somehow savor our time together even more.
Leaving one plan behind and moving on with the next has not been easy for me. I’m a goal-orientated, driven individual who loves The Plan and likes to see plans through.
But, now that we have decided and I’ve wrapped my head and heart around our decision to raise only one child, I can honestly say I am at peace.
I am content, happy and have more energy than I’ve had in years.
Although the ruptured ectopic pregnancy is the event which closed this chapter, it wasn’t the only event to precipitate it. We have experienced four miscarriages. And, like the ectopic pregnancy, there is no known medical reason for these.
Again, because of who I am and my desire for answers (which serves me well as a journalist, but can drive my inner-mind bonkers!) it was not easy for me to accept this. And that’s OK.
I do have a strong faith. I do know that there are many unanswered questions out there. And, I know that if I focus on those, I won’t have the time or energy to BE PRESENT.
Coincidentally, being present in every aspect of my life became a mantra of sorts for me a few months prior to our loss. I worked to multi-task less and engage more as a wife, as a mom, a friend and as a professional.
I was furious with the fact that losing more than a liter of blood to internal bleeding when my fallopian tube ruptured, literally took two months of my life away. It turned a sad event into a survival event. For those eight weeks it was all I could do to complete work. I spent every free moment sleeping and barely parenting. My husband, Shon filled the void – and I don’t think Parker noticed.
Once my iron levels returned to normal and I could truly live again, I determined to not waste one more day. And, I have not.
By September it wasn’t work to feel good – physically, mentally or spiritually. I even had extra reserves and began working out. One day in January it donned on me, I had my life back. I was truly living again.
Today, almost a year later, I know I am blessed. Not only with my health, but the health of my daughter and husband. Throughout the dark days, my family and friends took care of me.
I am grateful, healed and looking forward to writing many new chapters in my life’s book.
April 9, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Lura, I did not know this, but glad you shared. You have such a beautiful way with words. I wanted you to know that I am ‘an only’ as is my son Connor. We also gave up on the dream of two children after I had cancer, but we are also okay with that. Parker is one lucky girl to have such amazing parents. Take care and blessings to you all.
April 9, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Thank you Julie! You are such a talented, kind person:-)
April 9, 2016 at 3:48 pm
Lura, I knew you were a tough broad, but your story just reinforced that belief. We had a miscarriage two months before becoming pregnant with Oscar. You’re an amazing woman and mama- thank you for sharing your story!
April 9, 2016 at 5:10 pm
I’ve been wondering how things had been going for you since meeting you at the Y. I’m sad to hear that your journey through infertility was so horrible. Thank you for sharing your experience so other women don’t feel so alone. It’s so difficult and isolating, so I appreciate your willingness to write about it. I survived secondary infertility too, and setting new goals was crucial to moving forward. It wasn’t the path I expected, but it’s rewarding in different ways. I wish you all the best, and thank you for writing about this topic.
April 9, 2016 at 6:11 pm
Oh my Lura! You have learned way too young that life is full of challenges. I am so glad you have gained back your health and strength! Thiniking of you all…
April 9, 2016 at 6:49 pm
You are a precious blessing! You are a magnet of positive thinking and attitudes, Mat and I are so fortunate to know you and Shon, and call you friends!
April 10, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Beautiful Lura! You have an amazing family.
April 13, 2016 at 1:06 pm
WOW! I am overwhelmed by your kind thoughts and what you have shared, thank you.